Whew

Sorry I didn't update my blog since my last dramatic post. I've been recovering from shell-shock little by little, and of course the other details of life still impose themselves whether you're up to it or not.
So Emmett is once again himself, except our interpretation of him is completely changed. The day before yesterday he asked to play ball and frisbee again. He gets tired a lot sooner, but that drive was so wonderful to see. But with the foreknowledge of cancer comes the desire for time to stand still, especially when he catches the frisbee and happiness abounds. We meet with the oncologist on Friday.
In our home village of Apremont in Vendee in France, we have a dear close family friend called Edith. That's Eh-DEET. I think she's also related to us somehow, as almost everyone in Apremont seems to be if you have the time to find out. I remember Edith used to always be in the company of a golden little poodle called Fifille, "little girl". She was every bit the poodle, anxious, funny, smart, hopelessly loyal to Edith. She died some years back, and I remember telling Edith, "oh how sad, oh how you must have cried." Edith was offended. She said "that would be an offense to our ancestors in the cemetery, if we went and cried over animals." A sound country attitude.
Well I don't know who I offended but I sure cried a lot, and Emmett made it. But almost losing him brought back lots of memories of grief from my dad and brother's passing. I need for someone not to die suddenly. Sudden death has its graces, but it sure has its weight. So I can really embrace the time Emmett has.
I'm trying to figure out another way of being. Someone else said that life is terminal, but it's exhausting having to always cherish every moment and every one as if the next minute may never come. Don't we have to take some security for granted? One day maybe I'll be still enough for the detachment that Buddhism leads you to, but that must be part of the answer.